Dreams

I had this dream last night about an orb, a glass orb with swirling colors. I was an orb of enormous power. it was like a one wish orb, but it was granted by God. the thing about it was that i have no idea how it came to my little family. The power though was undeniable. I "knew" what it was we held.

We lived in a tiny little apartment. things in the world had gotten very bad, evil was everywhere. I feared for my children's lives every time they left the house. i could see the effects of the circumstances we lived in beginning to effect the thinking of my older sons. The streets were getting uglier and filthier by the week. it was a very difficult time to live in. we were still free to believe as we chose, but our beliefs had become so "unpopular" that we had to be very careful what we shared and with whom.

Our apartment was in an old building. it was run down and right next to a freeway that was built up so that outside our windows i could see freeway above us and that "under the bridge" ugliness below. I did not send my girls out alone ever. My sons had both had to defend themselves more than once. their faith was waxing. Talitha still believed as a child does, without question because it is so. Abigail believed but was afraid of her own belief because of the suffering that belief could bring her, never the less, she held onto her faith.

Deion worked long hours. we didn't see him much. times were so hard that he had to work constantly just to provide the most basic life for us. Obama was still president oddly enough. I'm not sure why that even matters, but in my dream, there he was. And we existed in a police state. The TV spouted nothing but bad news. The general idea given, not in the media specifically, but definitely from the government and passed through society, is that the state of the world is somehow the Christians fault.

I believe AJ and Jo together got the orb. I believe that i sent them to do this. i believe it was an assignment from God. When they had brought it to me they both had "ideas" of what they wanted to ask of the orb, of God. I don't believe either of them truly had faith that the power of the orb was actually from God or they would have not been so eager to ask anything of it. I think it was too much for their young minds to accept that for some reason God had allowed such a thing in the world, perhaps to test His people. Obviously to further His will and His plan, as does everything in some way or another. I knew that their hearts were weary from the condition of the world and that their minds were, not jaded, but not fully aware of the power or wise enough to be able to ask a good thing.

I understood the weight of the "wish" as it were. I could look at this thing which felt like a warm, heavy, glass marble about twice the size of a large "shooter", with all the colors of existence swirling within it, never steady, always in motion, and recognize the long term effects any word spoken in vain could have of all of us. I told my boys to give it to me, they hesitated only a moment, but were disappointed. There was danger, grave danger in holding onto this thing. They would find it, and soon. Not the kind of soon that leaves time for finding a good hiding spot. In the first place i would not allow this thing out of my grasp much less out of my sight for even a fraction of a second. In the second place, it was too valuable, too terrible a thing for them to not be on the trail at that moment, heading towards our little apartment, endangering not only the lives of my precious children, but the fate of the world as well.

I don't know what made me do it; i could hear the news, Abigail was watching. She was frustrated, by the war and suffering on the very streets we lived on. She felt it was impossible to be safe, to feel protected. She didn't understand why God was allowing this. She struggled with her faith. In that moment i decided to set everything to rights. I chose to take the responsibility of making  the "wish" myself. I don't know why i didn't consult God. Perhaps it was that Moses mentality. I felt my back was against the wall. As much as i love my sons i didn't feel like i could trust them. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that i could count on them, but with the power to make life as you believe you want it to be within arms reach, i was afraid of a mishap. I knew the enemy was coming for the orb and didn't have faith that could keep it safe. I felt my back against the wall and chose to use the orb to get out of all of it.

I wished, and i need to note that my sons were none too thrilled with me for it, for the beginning. I wished that everything God created to be put back in harmonious order as He originally had intended it to be at this point in time. as if man had never fallen. That the heavens, the universe, the planet, the seas the clouds, the atmosphere, everything be set to rights, remade in God's original image of the world and that my family would still be there when He was done. I had some image of God having to wipe clean the earth, perhaps even wipe it out. I saw darkness and light in my mind, the very beginning of the world as it was being reformed. That is what i was afraid might have to happen for my wish to come true, but, of course, i was short sighted as well.

Immediately things began to happen. The orb swirled with all the colors of the universe. I wanted to sit and watch it. I wasn't afraid of Gods power or of what i had asked for. The boys saw things differently. Outside, the winds picked up, the earth shook. I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't think of what might happen to us during the destruction. I believed that since i asked that we would be there when it was all done that we would be somehow protected, in a bubble maybe, i don't know. But that wasn't meant to be. I wasn't really understanding the way of God. I was arrogant and foolish where i was was trying with an honest heart to be compassionate and wise.

i received a message on my ipad. i knew it was from God. It was a "How can Christians survive the last days" article that went week by week outlining what would happen at the end. It had tips for Christians on how they might escape discovery and how they might fend for themselves in a world that was going to become suddenly very hostile towards everything to do with God. I realized at that moment what i had done. I had not somehow reset the wonderful balance that i knew God was capable of creating in a perfect world. I had not removed the fears that we had about the escalation of evil in the world and replaced them with peace. I had simply been the catalyst to remove the pin from the end times grenade.

I kept the end times article open. I realized that i didn't even know where Deion was or how to contact him at that point. Storms began to come in. I could hear angry voices outside. I had forgotten that we were still in grave danger because the government thought we still had the orb, which in fact i did, but now i knew it's power was not available to us anymore. it was no longer a tool or a weapon, it was now simply a chronicle of what was happening. I helped Abigail get a sweatshirt and two jackets on and turned my attention to getting Talitha ready. We had to leave and i knew it. The boys were grumbling at me for what i had started. I knew that they would follow or not, it was now completely up to them, i could not carry them, or force them or even beg them, i could only lead them.

Azy was not in my dream. It wasn't as if he didn't exist, only that i didn't have to be concerned about him in any way. The interesting thing about that is , when the time comes i believe in my heart that the boys will have to make that choice for themselves and i can no longer be responsible for what choice they make beyond being an example of the right choice. Abigail i believe is at the turning point of accountability and my two small ones are free from that responsibility, or so i believed. From what my dream spoke to me both of my girls are at the place where they have to start making those choices for themselves or they risk their souls, but Azy is still too young. It is strange to think that in a dream such as this i could actually have a question posed from my own mind to my belief system. But rather than reason this one out on my own, i Will ask God what it all means.

When it was time to go, when we were about to run, Abigail was afraid to follow, but she did with these words "I'll go, then we'll talk!" She was willing to obey, but needed her questions answered. She was angry with me for making a frightening life even more frightening. She didn't want what little security she had taken away from her. BUT she was willing. She just needed to understand, to have the facts so that she wasn't so afraid or maybe so that she knew how to prepare herself for what was coming. i don't know. She is the one who stood out to me though. her inner strength, her determination to do what is right regardless of the fear involved. She is an amazing little human. What a joy and responsibility to be her mother.